The last month has been incredibly reflective for me. I find myself very aware of the persons who have collectively brought forward who they are, and the messages they are here to bring, and how each of those, like pieces of a puzzle have informed my growth and where I am now.
We truly are walking, talking examples of possibility, and a result or product of all the information and signals that we Receive, and give ourselves permission to choose (consciously or not) to integrate into our lives, ideally, for our highest good.
Family, Friends, Mentors, Clients, Colleagues – whether you are present to me for a reason, a season or a lifetime… please know this. The gentleness and compassion, and at times fair but firm love you have demonstrated to me and for me, as I moved through toxic behaviour, co-dependent behaviour, and depression has been seen. Those ways of being may still linger and be part of my continued learning, but the hold they used to have on me, I feel… have left me significantly. The gratitude I am feeling today, humbles me to the very core of my heart and soul, and I am very aware of how it truly takes “a village to raise a child”.
This next week marks the end of a 7 year journey of travel, courses / training, physical and emotional healing, lovers, living out of boxes and suitcases, living in other people’s homes, and truly learning that what is important is the peace I find within myself – not anything else, and I do mean anything external to me – physically, materially, and more specifically emotionally. Tomorrow we do the final signing on the paperwork that begins a new era with a roof over my head, a kitchen that is mine, a bathroom that is mine, and my life-partner by my side, who is the “guardian of my sacred heart” and the most authentic champion of an “us” that I have ever had the priviledge of being a part of. I am SO blessed!
The safety and grounding I feel in my body and in my emotions, is beyond anything that I have felt before so far in this lifetime. I have no idea what is coming, but here’s what I do know… I know what I’m releasing, and I know how I feel now, in this moment. And that the next 4-5 months is going to be about releasing more and more of the aspects of that life that has brought me here, those pieces that no longer serve me, with sentimentality and gratitude. What a gift to embrace more of the now with vibrance, radiance, and everything that I am. And truly taking in more of life as it is meant to be “lived”!!
The “personal presence” I am experiencing, with loving non-attatchment to any expectations to anything beyond the adventure of co-creating with my partner Robert, and experiencing more of the joy and simplicity that is my life now… is like a heartbeat – steady, undergirding every breath, every tear, every smile and laugh. The excitement is tangible, the relief, palatable. To quote a friend Talloolah Bliss, whose courage and brilliant writing continues to inspire me… “Learning to love myself enough to weed out those who don’t love me enough, to see how much of me I’ll give up to make space for them, is a mountain to climb. Worth it.”
With Gratitude (Immensely)